A New Dream

It had been 9 months since I last visited this blog. So many things happened in that span of time. I met a lot of people and made relationships. I had a few friends come and go. I lost count of how many times my priorities changed. I don’t have all night, however, to reminisce and recall every single moment just so I have something to write here. I’d like to take every moment as a new beginning. This moment is a blank space for me to fill with whatever good things I can find.

I had continued to play the mobile game called VainGlory. I had, in fact, joined its content creator program. I write content for the game and get in-game items in return.

The truth is, I just really enjoyed playing it a lot. But with everything going on in my life, I had to have a better reason to keep playing. I had to justify it somehow, I guess, to myself. At least, that was how it started. All the knowledge I gained from the game had to be channeled through an outlet somehow, or I’d have felt like I wasted every hour I spent playing. That’s how it works for me. So, I went and made a blog, vainglory.abigail.pro. And on there, I unleashed everything I had exhausted from the game. I went and applied for the VCP (content creator program) and got accepted.

What used to be an outlet of in-game knowledge evolved into a dream.

I had been blogging since I was 19. It’s not new to me. I’ve gotten the benefits of that in my essay-writing for school too. Writing, at least academically and professionally, is one of my best skills. I never, however, entertained the idea of writing fantasy for the sole purpose of entertaining readers. I mean, I write to entertain to some degree, but I hadn’t thought about writing fantasy.

The idea was presented to me multiple times by my family and some friends but I always dismissed it. The reason used to be because I didn’t think it was beneficial. I didn’t think fantasy had any worth. I’m a very rational person and I don’t want to feed something without substance to people. You can tell how strange my mind’s wiring was.

It wasn’t until recently that my family finally got me to see from another perspective. The truth is, I enjoy fantasy, myself. I love watching movies. I loved the LOTR books. I read manga and watch anime too. The truth is, everyone else enjoys fantasy in one way or another and even if I don’t write fantasy, it’s not really gonna change anything. People will continue reading good fiction books and watching movies, while I sit in my corner wondering why I never tried.

And so, the dream was born.

I wrote a fanfic – a short one, and it’s not really as good as I hoped it to be. At least, not yet. But it’s a start and I’m glad I had done it. I’m taking baby steps and just enjoying the ride, for now. Those steps include, trading my old Kindle 8 for a Paperwhite so I can read at night, too and getting into fantasy books. I’m starting with Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere. It’s really captivating and I’m loving it so far. I’m just getting myself some inspiration and feed this dream within while I let days and circumstances pass.

In other news, I have exactly 13 months left to finish my degree. It had been a rough ride and this term, I must admit, I had been careless, not carefree but careless. I have a month before the final exams, 3 weeks before my group project and presentation is due, and 3 weeks before my database system is due. That’s quite a lot, now that I think about it. Just bringing into remembrance, I have a full time job. I work 12 hrs a day for 15 – 16 days a month. I do get a lot of downtime, but I also have a blog – or two, actually, two blogs. And I still manage to squeeze in some time to play VainGlory, watch movies with my sister and watch Michelle Phan videos. Not to mention the social media involvement I have to maintain for my VainGlory blog.

I should mention this, too. I have been rather active on Twitter and Discord and those are hogging up like 2-3 hrs of my day. It used to, at least, when I first started. That’s the thing with me and I don’t like it either. When I get involved in something, I go in so deep until I exhaust everything I can. And it gets kinda hard to pull away. I think Jesus is still fixing this part of me. I mean, it’s useful sometimes, but it can also be used to harm myself and stray from my path.

Speaking of Jesus, I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of remembering how good He has been to me. 3 years ago, I would’ve already collapsed under all this pressure. I would’ve overburdened myself with everything, exploded and blamed everyone, just being toxic and miserable. Thank the Lord, that’s far far away in the past where it belongs.

I like and love who I am now, knowing that the Lord loves me, and all of me, my strengths and weaknesses, right and wrong doings and everything else. Knowing that He died on the Cross to set me free from the curse of this world where I have to merit everything. I no longer depend on my efforts to attract good things. Jesus died and paid with His blood, to give me free access to all His goodness. He is on my side forever, and this strengthens me and inspires me to keep moving forward, to keep loving, to keep believing.

I have made a lot of mistakes in the past, and I still will do in the future. The only assurance of hope I’m holding on to is knowing that Jesus already knows this and He still chose to save me and gave me what I can never deserve. Why, then, should I still worry? The only thing left for me to do, really, is to stick to Him like a glue. I still fail at that sometimes, but who’s counting my mistakes? It’s not Jesus. He has forgiven me and I have forgiven myself. Everyday is a new opportunity to walk with Him and enjoy His goodness. I’m on sermon #43 out of #361 (Joseph Prince sermons) and it’s really helping me stay on track. Being reminded daily of His salvation is what enables me to be. It’s a kind of freedom and peace the world will never understand, but for those who do, isn’t it just amazing? I never thought life could be this beautiful. That despite everything, I’m still alive with a purpose, everywhere I go, good things happen. I don’t have to drag myself out of bed every morning, I don’t have to dread the day the world ends. I mean, I’m happy.

Ah, I intended for this to be a short update on my whereabouts but I got sidetracked again. Whatever. It always clears my mind though, when I get to write my heart out like this. Pray for me, if you would, though. I need to do a lot of studying and time management. Thanks for dropping by. Jesus’ love, salvation and peace be with you.

3 thoughts on “A New Dream”

  1. imagine says:

    “When I get involved in something, I go in so deep until I exhaust everything I can. ” Best two edged sword for me…yup, i’m also stuck with this game – Dota 2. I quitt this game so many times but after few months, i’m still coming back. Of all the the others games i’ve played since games from joystick to high end, this is the last game i’ve played which i have found myself being stuck. This is the reason why I missed our church activities, less sociable, and being alone. But i can’t help myself and yeah you are right, Jesus will go through these pastors- Joseph Prince for you and Zack Poonen for me whenever we wanna listen. It’s amazing that, you are so cool in person that we can’t find how you got burned out for some of the time but through your blog, it is. I know it’s not easy, it’s hard. but Jesus is always there, the truth is i am open to other religion as well but only Jesus gives me strength and in fact whenever i am sick, i mean spiritual sickness to the point that i got only 1 percent left believing in him, he revealed in my dream, yeah, that’s Jesus. You said, “I have made a lot of mistakes in the past, and I still will do in the future. The only assurance of hope I’m holding on to is knowing that Jesus already knows this and He still chose to save me and gave me what I can never deserve. ” Amen to that, by God’s grace.

  2. abigail says:

    Hello! Thanks for dropping by and I’m so glad you’re in the same page as me. There’s always hope for us! Time to stop beating ourselves, and just receive the kind of grace we don’t deserve. Wait, have we met?! 😀

  3. imagine says:

    Yeah, we’ve been church-mate a long time ago, but anyway, i sometimes read your blog not that i’m stalking, i just like to read some of your content coz it feels like you’re near, long time ago i also listen to your own music in some of your previous domain(s) haha, how i wish you could upload some of your own music video in youtube haha
    i think no need to introduce myself but as i have said i saw you before in our church
    i wish you could have a channel on youtube but don’t force yourself coz you need some chill

    God bless igsoon!

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